Isn't the point of life...to LIVE?

Alright. At what point did I change my mind set to believing that I have to work my butt off, push myself to near breaking, only to achieve an excellent job and career to be tied down to for the rest of my life? I have officially decided that I am going to live in every country on my list for years at a time, work random jobs, make money, and then move on to the next country. After all, what is the point in making money if you can't take the time to use it. I find myself wishing so many days away, and I wonder...will my life be nothing but me saying "I don't have the time to take off 14 days to go to Spain. I don't have the free days to spend a month in Africa." Likely, considering the fact that currently, I am not even tied down to a career, and I don't have the time to eat lunch with a friend most days, much less even a WEEKEND to go to the beach or a summer to go to Orlando. Besides..there's so much to see and do in this world...there's no way I could experience a country in 10 or 14 days.

As Americans, we place so much value in the work world. Think about it...if you meet a man or woman in their 40's or even 30's and ask what they do for a living (which..point in case, 9 times out of 10 is one of the first things you ask someone upon meeting), and they say that they work at Walmart or a thrift store on the beach...you automatically place them in a "category." The "category" of people who did not work hard enough or lacked the drive to obtain a "real" steady career and livelihood...regardless if the person is making more than the average income or even is perfectly content living with a minimum (but sufficient) salary.

Why do we let our jobs define us? I find myself falling into that category more and more everyday. I stress out daily over things that are meant to "better my future" and help me obtain that top level job in my career field of choice. When I think of graduating college and the possibility of not being hired by the agency of my choice, it crushes my world. Though I know it's wrong, I think..."who will I be if I never reach that, what will I do? It's all I've ever wanted." BUT..correction: it's all I've ever wanted in the work world..a.k.a. in American ideals of what matters. The true desire of my heart is to travel, helping people while exploring all the world has to offer. With a career (nearly any solid career), that dream will likely never happen. It's like...I let that go just for the sake of what I've been taught is necessary to live a good life. But when did staying put and putting off dreams become the "good life?"

Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that after graduating college, I will travel to the first country on my list and be perfectly content working on the beach serving drinks at a tikki hut all day in the Caribbean or dancing at live shows in a small venue in Spain or teaching school in Africa or selling clothes at a boutique in Costa Rica. After all, isn't the point of life to live?

Broken & Trusting

Do you ever reach a point...that nothing makes sense anymore? Nothing you're doing...no where you go...nothing around you. And you don't know what next step to take...so you stop fighting & just stand still. But after a while, standing becomes sitting, sitting becomes lying down, and lying down becomes the only thing you know how to do anymore. There seems to be no strength left to climb your way back up & move on to a better place. You can try to throw yourself into this or throw yourself into that...but at the end of the day, it doesn't change the thoughts in your head or the worries & longings of your heart. You want to change things, change the world. You know you have a calling, a purpose...you just can't possibly imagine why...or how you'll ever reach it. Smiles & laughs are nice. Always "nice." Not always the truth. The truth is much deeper than the day to day words people exchange. Then again, what is there of truth in any words people speak at all now days? ...Where is MY truth? God is the only truth...the only hope...the only peace & fulfillment worth anything at all. My truth isn't from preachers or missionaries or church leaders or youth pastors; it isn't from "religion" or some nice "church thing," my truth is from times like these. Times like these when I question everything, long for anything, & hope for something. Because it's these times, that despite how I may feel, what I think, what I say, what I don't say.....I know God is here. Sometimes it's hard to run to Him because of the obstacles we create, but I know that as soon as I pull up from the ground & start fighting...He will be fighting twice as hard to hold me again..and at this point.....nothing else matters. Nothing is clear, I am overwhelmed with decisions I can't make, losses I have to face, & fears that I can't escape...but for now, I'll just lay in His arms. ..I'll trust You.

"Oh no, You never let go, through the calm & through the storm. Oh no, You never let go, every high & every low. Oh no, you never let go! Lord, You never let go of me."

"I wanna sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hands, lay back against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat. This love is so deep...it's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace...it's overwhelming."

"I will walk by faith even when I cannot see..Because this broken road, prepares Your will for me."

~Isaiah 41:10
~James 4:8

Short & Sweet

Hello fellow bloggers,

I'm new to this whole blogging thing (well...by "new"...I mean haven't done it since I was 14 on myspace), so I still have lots to learn, but I suppose this is my first official blog. This will quite possibly be the only "short & sweet" blog I ever post. I have lots of thoughts. There's no telling what the next blogs will include. But for now...goodbye. :)