"But one thing is needed."

Last night, while browsing through clubs/organizations of an upcoming potential academic endeavor, I found myself becoming more and more excited as I jotted down (when it was said and done) 15 clubs/organizations of serious interest. Yes, fifteen..as in, future me would attempt to join each and every one. And this isn't new. Ever since I can remember, I've been involved in and had a passion for many diverse things (my poor Mom & Grams). This even continued through my college years and has only recently shown any signs of slowing down (full-time work and grad school doesn't allow for much else).

I mean.. Being real, if I could be a dancer, boxer, musician/songwriter, actress, architect, archeologist, home renovator, carpenter, rock climber, mountain hiker, MMA superstar, kayaker, scuba diver, pilot, figure skater, snowboarder, gymnast, surfer/beach shop owner, professional landscaper, Nascar driver, homicide investigator, world traveler, journalist, Sea World dolphin trainer, wild life safari guide, National Geographic photographer, U.S. Deputy Marshal, DoS Foreign Affairs Diplomatic Officer, CIA Intelligence Collection Analyst, DoD Military Strategy Coordinator, abuse shelter operator, FBI Linguist, President's Interagency Task Force To Monitor & Combat Human Trafficking-Representative, ASL Interpreter......I would. (My head ladies & gentlemen). 

As I'm lying in bed pondering why God made me this way (after all, life would be much less stressful if I had decided on/could be content with a "normal" career), I begin to question where He wants me to go, what He wants me to do, and how He wants me to go about doing it (frequent requests of mine). For the past six or so months, I have been dedicated to seeking God's will for my life more genuinely than ever before, wholeheartedly praying, "God, I don't want to do anything by my hands that isn't of Your spirit. Strip away fruitless endeavors that I so willfully chase."
And this is where God stopped me.

By laying this on my heart:
"Though you are incapable of understanding it, do you trust My Word and believe in the promise of an eternity with Me?"
"Of course."
"Consider eternity. You have ETERNITY to do all the things you can dream of here on this earth and much more that you can't comprehend yet [At this point my mind begins to hope this includes things like cloud flying]... What you do not have is an eternity to share my love with the lost here on earth."

Wow. 
Humbled.

God has chosen to lay this on my heart (and no, it wasn't literal voice dialogue..although that would be legit if God spoke with his big God voice)...for a very important reason. In today's world, we get pulled in a million different directions, and it's great to follow passions/talents/hobbies/careers (esp. considering God created us with a purpose involving these things), but what is SO MUCH MORE important is witnessing and showing love and service on a daily basis wherever God has placed you RIGHT NOW, step by step, moment by moment. This is how you live a life of furthering God's kingdom, fulfilling the ultimate purpose of our existence here on this earth. Days here are numbered. All of the answers I have been seeking from God, and this simple truth is what I receive: 
It's not what you do here that counts...it's who follows you out when you leave.

Scriptures from a Bible story I heard many times growing up struck me in a new way a few days ago. I posted it on my bulletin board to remind me daily, but it wasn't until last night that God's message came full circle:

"You are busy and worried about many things. But one thing is needed." -Jesus.
(Luke 10:41-42)

The Vow- To live a life alive with love..

Paige: “I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not...and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.”

Leo: “I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love.”

You know, as frustrating as these movies are to me & as much as I joke on them... those are some pretty awesome vows. What more could you want from someone who will be your partner, your sidekick, your "other half" for the rest of your life? As I mentioned in my previous blog nearly a year ago (that I haven't read since..until 5 minutes ago), I don't want the "movie man," the "every female alive gushes over him" man. Because here's the thing...my definition of love isn't dramatic; it isn't perfect; and it isn't dependent upon a tragedy of sorts to prove itself. While I'm still not necessarily a huge fan of this movie, I think there's something to be said for it. Amidst all else, the couple displayed a shared love for life and a patience and commitment that could only exist as a result of the purest love.

We only have one life to live. I don't want to share it with anyone who values that less than I do. Everyone appreciates life in one way or another. The key is finding the person who appreciates it in the same way you do. As childish as it may be, I want someone who's not afraid to explore and be imperfect. Laugh. Walk through an abandoned house and run like crazy when lights come on. Whatever your definition, there's no better time spent than with someone who makes you come alive.
Not just alive when adrenaline and laughs are on high, but alive when the world is caving in. Alive when you don't feel anything else. Alive with the security that comes from a heart to call home. What better feeling than to live a life alive with love.

So. I'll lay off the usual romcom jokes for the night to say this...
Love someone who "helps you love life," "holds you with tenderness," and has the "patience that love demands." Someone who "speaks when words are needed" and "shares the silence when they're not." Someone who defines home as wherever you are. Someone who "fiercely loves you" for all you are and will ever become. And above all else...live a life alive with this "once in a lifetime love."

THIS...is why I love you.

You know, the thing about love…it comes with so many expectations and such high demands, that we leave ourselves almost no other option but to be let down at some point.

One day, I don’t want to look over at my husband and say, “Man…we’ve had such a perfect, smooth ride. You’ve never aggravated, saddened, or frustrated me. You’ve never neglected to match your outfit just perfectly before we go out. You’ve never failed to be more romantic than every single lead, male romantic comedy character. You’ve always been available every second I wished. You’ve always said just the right thing at just the right time. You’ve always surprised me with twelve dozen roses every time I’ve had a bad day. You’ve always agreed with everything I’ve ever wanted to do. And this is why I love you.”

I want to look over and say, “Man…we’ve had the best ride. You’ve aggravated, saddened, and frustrated me...and we’re still here. Twenty-five years and you’ve finally learned to match your pants and socks. You’re the goofiest, craziest man I know. For every second you weren’t available, it wasn’t hard to remember all the times you were. You didn’t always know what to say…but were always the first to listen. When I’ve had a bad day, you remind me who I am and encourage me through faith in God’s provisions. We haven’t always agreed on exactly what to do, but we’ve always moved forward and taken on the world together. And THIS…is why I love you.”

Isn't the point of life...to LIVE?

Alright. At what point did I change my mind set to believing that I have to work my butt off, push myself to near breaking, only to achieve an excellent job and career to be tied down to for the rest of my life? I have officially decided that I am going to live in every country on my list for years at a time, work random jobs, make money, and then move on to the next country. After all, what is the point in making money if you can't take the time to use it. I find myself wishing so many days away, and I wonder...will my life be nothing but me saying "I don't have the time to take off 14 days to go to Spain. I don't have the free days to spend a month in Africa." Likely, considering the fact that currently, I am not even tied down to a career, and I don't have the time to eat lunch with a friend most days, much less even a WEEKEND to go to the beach or a summer to go to Orlando. Besides..there's so much to see and do in this world...there's no way I could experience a country in 10 or 14 days.

As Americans, we place so much value in the work world. Think about it...if you meet a man or woman in their 40's or even 30's and ask what they do for a living (which..point in case, 9 times out of 10 is one of the first things you ask someone upon meeting), and they say that they work at Walmart or a thrift store on the beach...you automatically place them in a "category." The "category" of people who did not work hard enough or lacked the drive to obtain a "real" steady career and livelihood...regardless if the person is making more than the average income or even is perfectly content living with a minimum (but sufficient) salary.

Why do we let our jobs define us? I find myself falling into that category more and more everyday. I stress out daily over things that are meant to "better my future" and help me obtain that top level job in my career field of choice. When I think of graduating college and the possibility of not being hired by the agency of my choice, it crushes my world. Though I know it's wrong, I think..."who will I be if I never reach that, what will I do? It's all I've ever wanted." BUT..correction: it's all I've ever wanted in the work world..a.k.a. in American ideals of what matters. The true desire of my heart is to travel, helping people while exploring all the world has to offer. With a career (nearly any solid career), that dream will likely never happen. It's like...I let that go just for the sake of what I've been taught is necessary to live a good life. But when did staying put and putting off dreams become the "good life?"

Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that after graduating college, I will travel to the first country on my list and be perfectly content working on the beach serving drinks at a tikki hut all day in the Caribbean or dancing at live shows in a small venue in Spain or teaching school in Africa or selling clothes at a boutique in Costa Rica. After all, isn't the point of life to live?

Broken & Trusting

Do you ever reach a point...that nothing makes sense anymore? Nothing you're doing...no where you go...nothing around you. And you don't know what next step to take...so you stop fighting & just stand still. But after a while, standing becomes sitting, sitting becomes lying down, and lying down becomes the only thing you know how to do anymore. There seems to be no strength left to climb your way back up & move on to a better place. You can try to throw yourself into this or throw yourself into that...but at the end of the day, it doesn't change the thoughts in your head or the worries & longings of your heart. You want to change things, change the world. You know you have a calling, a purpose...you just can't possibly imagine why...or how you'll ever reach it. Smiles & laughs are nice. Always "nice." Not always the truth. The truth is much deeper than the day to day words people exchange. Then again, what is there of truth in any words people speak at all now days? ...Where is MY truth? God is the only truth...the only hope...the only peace & fulfillment worth anything at all. My truth isn't from preachers or missionaries or church leaders or youth pastors; it isn't from "religion" or some nice "church thing," my truth is from times like these. Times like these when I question everything, long for anything, & hope for something. Because it's these times, that despite how I may feel, what I think, what I say, what I don't say.....I know God is here. Sometimes it's hard to run to Him because of the obstacles we create, but I know that as soon as I pull up from the ground & start fighting...He will be fighting twice as hard to hold me again..and at this point.....nothing else matters. Nothing is clear, I am overwhelmed with decisions I can't make, losses I have to face, & fears that I can't escape...but for now, I'll just lay in His arms. ..I'll trust You.

"Oh no, You never let go, through the calm & through the storm. Oh no, You never let go, every high & every low. Oh no, you never let go! Lord, You never let go of me."

"I wanna sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hands, lay back against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat. This love is so deep...it's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace...it's overwhelming."

"I will walk by faith even when I cannot see..Because this broken road, prepares Your will for me."

~Isaiah 41:10
~James 4:8

Short & Sweet

Hello fellow bloggers,

I'm new to this whole blogging thing (well...by "new"...I mean haven't done it since I was 14 on myspace), so I still have lots to learn, but I suppose this is my first official blog. This will quite possibly be the only "short & sweet" blog I ever post. I have lots of thoughts. There's no telling what the next blogs will include. But for now...goodbye. :)